I Love Telly

Back on the internet. It kinda lost its flavour after about 2 minutes. The usual shite, all emails are actually spam, about 50 notifications on facebook but they’re all shitty game requests etc. nothing new, get used to having libraries of knowledge, entertainment and pornography just one ctrl+t away then everything else pretty much fades into the background.

It made me wonder why people are so drawn to things like facebook or whatever, checking them repetitively in hope that something might be different on the internet in the last 38 seconds, if you managed to stay away from the keyboard for that long. I wonder what makes people so drawn to that kind of anticipation that someone might have poked you, or provides that adrenaline surge when you see the friend request icon light up with a little number next to it, only to find it’s someone you’re not really that bothered about. Continue reading

A Fag and a Brew

There’s always time for a brew and a fag, especially at those moments in life where things get a little bit hectic and take a turn for the worst. To the uninitiated, let me explain what these are and just how well they make a difference to everything. Continue reading

Happy New You: A 2012 Guide to Hypocrisy

Everything is always going to be a great and happy new year when anxious piss heads are waiting eagerly for their beloved countdown so they can raise a glass and sing that famous Burns poem. Well, the first couple of verses at the most. This is if they aren’t too busy wasting what’s left of their money, fighting each other or throwing up. Then a few days later when we have all settled down, the dreaded moment comes when it’s time to go back to work and the shite that was apparently over gets to start again until these false convictions of change and prosperity are brought out once more for the next year after being put away with all of the christmas decorations.

So what substantiates a new year? Why do we need it to make important, critical changes to our lives? What is it going to do to facilitate these changes in our attitudes and behaviour? Well the simple answers are that we don’t and it isn’t.

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Deus Ex Machina

I was adrift all day, because I was thinking about something. Also, I had probably the best christmas present I could get out of the unlikeliest place. While a nation celebrated, I slumbered and stupored in a sea of thoughts, trying to make the most of what I was given. I managed to crack a smile once or twice, an achievement for me when I’m feeling like this. It was a good day overall, but I didn’t feel a part of it somehow. My face was here, but my mind was somewhere very far away.

I spend almost every day getting into pointless arguments on subjects about which I don’t really care or feel no particular passion. Sometimes I think it’s just because I like to know what other people have to say when you challenge their bullshit with a few points of your own. There really is no point, though. It takes a certain kind of art to influence someone’s opinion. Such an opinion was formed when they were indifferent on the matter, so now they are permanently stuck on their beliefs with the first words they were given and that was the end of that.

I change my opinions all the time, some have even changed in the last 24 hours about life, about what happens next and about what we’re supposed to do with ourselves while we live. Nobody can teach me the wisdom that comes with age, but I can listen to the advice I’m given. I used to tell myself lies because I’m afraid of the dark; I don’t bother with that anymore. Continue reading

Hi, I’m a moron. How can I help you?

It doesn’t take long for someone who buys age restricted items to run into some sort of problems when they go to the supermarket. One red, white and blue supermarket which shall remain nameless in particular has caused me no end of grief when I have paid them a visit in both stores which are within an acre of each other. Here is my story;

I went in and got a nice friendly welcome from Mr. Bag. He was ready to serve me whatever I needed from the cigarette kiosk and called me forward from the special line that I had to wait behind while the staff from both stores finished their conversation. This is a common occurrence in the ongoing unprofessional shite that is this supermarket and their arrogant, egotistical staff. Some of these people would be at risk of disappearing if they could fit any further up their own arses. I like to imagine that they have one big, collective anus that they can all fit inside in order to have clique chit chats and managerial discussions on how to better condescend to their customers. Continue reading

Let’s Go To The Cinema

Piracy … it’s an indulgence which gives way to great fruits most of the time, although on rare occasion it might disappoint. While some people might be part of the “just buy it” solution, which is fair enough, not quite so many people choose to see things this simply when the situation is laid out before them. Such people might be familiar with Bit Torrent and other enabling tools that allow them to get their ill gotten gains for free.

Today I went to the cinema to see Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows. This is a film that I had until today been looking forward to for weeks and anyone who actually appreciates a film would know that a spoiler is just a big pain in the arse when in these circumstances. A spoiler is going to ruin a film for anyone; what can also be seen as a spoiler is the pain in the arse one needs to endure in order to watch it. Continue reading

Christmas

A few years ago, back when I was nineteen and working in a factory, I was told that once I hit 20 the years would start to speed up and before I know it I’ll be in my fifties looking back on my life and wondering where all of that time had gone. I didn’t really think much of these comments perhaps until christmas when I was 21. Then it dawned on me that the person who told me about this might have been right.

Christmases since then have been coming alarmingly fast, so I wonder sometimes what causes this phenomenon whether it’s a perception of time depending on age or it’s just the fact that when people get older they fail to appreciate christmas in the first place. I consider that I might be at fault in these two categories, seeing as though last christmas it feels like a few months ago. Continue reading

Bin Juice

I’ve just taken the bin out and it’s leaked some sort of juice all over the place. Proper hate it when that happens.  To make my journey to the outside bin more exciting, I stopped upon the mention of juice to see just what it was that I had got myself into.  Unfortunately for mother, she didn’t appreciate me standing there while a bin bag was pissing some kind of juice all over the kitchen floor. Worse things have happened, I suppose.

Christmas
I have gone all month so far without really mentioning or paying much attention to christmas. My thoughts and feelings about this time of year are that there should be one time when you just stop doing what you normally do every day and spend time with the people that you love.  It’s also home to my favourite meal of the year in which we sit down (at the table) and have the ultimate roast dinner.  It completely justifies waiting for an entire year to enjoy one meal.  This is one of my favourite times of the year before it gives way to my least favourite; good old “new years”.

I keep my expectations low and somehow this time of year manages to win me over.  That’s my strategy and I’m sticking to it. Continue reading