Happy New You: A 2012 Guide to Hypocrisy

Everything is always going to be a great and happy new year when anxious piss heads are waiting eagerly for their beloved countdown so they can raise a glass and sing that famous Burns poem. Well, the first couple of verses at the most. This is if they aren’t too busy wasting what’s left of their money, fighting each other or throwing up. Then a few days later when we have all settled down, the dreaded moment comes when it’s time to go back to work and the shite that was apparently over gets to start again until these false convictions of change and prosperity are brought out once more for the next year after being put away with all of the christmas decorations.

So what substantiates a new year? Why do we need it to make important, critical changes to our lives? What is it going to do to facilitate these changes in our attitudes and behaviour? Well the simple answers are that we don’t and it isn’t.

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Hi, I’m a moron. How can I help you?

It doesn’t take long for someone who buys age restricted items to run into some sort of problems when they go to the supermarket. One red, white and blue supermarket which shall remain nameless in particular has caused me no end of grief when I have paid them a visit in both stores which are within an acre of each other. Here is my story;

I went in and got a nice friendly welcome from Mr. Bag. He was ready to serve me whatever I needed from the cigarette kiosk and called me forward from the special line that I had to wait behind while the staff from both stores finished their conversation. This is a common occurrence in the ongoing unprofessional shite that is this supermarket and their arrogant, egotistical staff. Some of these people would be at risk of disappearing if they could fit any further up their own arses. I like to imagine that they have one big, collective anus that they can all fit inside in order to have clique chit chats and managerial discussions on how to better condescend to their customers. Continue reading